Expectation VS Reality - Marriage

    Marriage is a big deal, but no one knows exactly how to tackle it. Whether you are a guy or a girl, you have always thought about your marriage day your whole life, unless you want to become single. The wonderful dresses, the beautiful venue, bundle of roses, romantic photography and most importantly, marrying to your loved one. Both the men and women think about their wedding, but I guess the entire thing do revolve around the bride. When you were a girl, you started thinking about your wedding day and your groom. You start planning of your dream wedding at six or seven years old, but nothing happens on the big day, because the day becomes only important for the guests there. You were excited to start a new and lovely chapter of your life and you always fantasized about a loving partner and then, on becoming a mother one day. You always have high hopes for your future life after marriage and always tries to make it happen just the way you think. 

     Married life is not like what we see in the Bollywood movies. When you are engaged you imagine about all the stuff you’d with your partner. Married life is not about only rainbows and butterflies, it is about compromise and understanding each other and it is definitely not a bed of roses. Things are, not how they seem to be. So now I going to talk about Expectation vs Reality on an issue of marriage.

(Hew Yong Kang) 

Expectation about marriage life. We expect that our marriage life is going to be exciting and will go on long and exotic vacations. We will stay romantic as long as we can and keep the fire burning. He will brings me flowers on the perfect time, talk sweetly to me, he will brings me to travel around the world. She will cooks me a wonderful dinner, make compliment in me and tolerance to me.

     When expectation meet Reality. As imaginations don’t have any limits, we will always though that we are going to enjoy the rosy days with our spouse our lover until the end of our day. Few years after marriage, they would having conflict and it will shake the things up. U will no more patient in everything. You might busy in work and have no more time to always stick together and loss patient to talk sweetly. Then you will have kids in your life events, the kids will absorb every ounce of energy for a while (Dennis Rainey, 2017).

Expectation of having kids will surely make your marriage better. Generally we will desires to have little human being comes into our life and brings joy to us. Some of us also might thinking being a father or mother will changes a person to be more responsible. 

When expectation meet Reality. When the little human being comes into your life, your marriage is no longer about each other. Both of you should spend more time on carrying and education the little one. You may not able to spend time on personal event, you have start making sacrifices you’ve never done before and take responsibility on it. Child will not guarantee to make your marriage better you shouldn’t expect children to  improve your marriage (Sophie Harris, 2017). 

     Expectation of your spouse love you and also your family. We will treat each other family and love them as our own. We will always be supportive and respective to every members. As I love you and i will also love your family. 

     When expectation meet Reality. According to Iqrak Khadim, (2016) stated that normally your partner will not bother anymore and not really of how your spouse feels now after few years of marriage. However, only your own parents are your parents. You are not supportive or protective as previous do, no matter how your spouse’s siblings are not siblings as your own u cannot feel the same for your parents in law as well as you feel for your own parents. ( Loke Yi Ling)

     Marriage is a blessed and happy thing that will happen in most of people life, we work hard and operate it well to keep our marriage stable even though that is a lot of conflict and differences between expectation and reality, but marriage is work. A work that need to build together within two people.

     It requires skill, a powerful context, embodiment and our rational thinking mind. It requires what we call “relational awareness and literacy.” A real relationship includes all of us, all shades, all colors, the dark, and the light. It’s happy sometimes and it’s sad sometimes. And, many people bail because they keep trying to live a fantasy that doesn’t match up with reality. In other words, the territory doesn’t match the map they were given in childhood. Relating well then becomes an art, a master skill, to really see relationship as a path to our own wholeness and freedom.

    Relationship is what we are all designed for. It’s who we are. And marriage, if we have the proper view and tools, is an alchemist journey catapulting and demanding us to become all that we are.

     But remember, we must say yes to growth and have a willingness to learn how to face all that comes up within the confines of marriage, monogamy and long-term partnership. And, once we do, we’re on our way to marriage empowerment and fulfillment.

 ( Khoo Ding Yong)